bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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