if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
