You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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