If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
