There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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