You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
