You just made me feel so damn special
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
