once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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