We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
