i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize