I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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