meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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