why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
