i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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