There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
