so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
