I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
