I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize