you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
