i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
