So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize