Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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