you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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