it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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