You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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