I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
