Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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