i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize