I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
