you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
