i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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