I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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