After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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