I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
