I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
