BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize