She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
love makes seman taste better
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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