Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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