Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize