the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
