rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
