So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
