Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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