My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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