We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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