I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize