I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
