She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
