Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
