Michael Bay diarrhea
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
