If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
