im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
