I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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