I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize