if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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