He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize