Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
