Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
