I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
not ubering you a puppy
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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