i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
