your parents love me but you hate me
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
