so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
