oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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