At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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