Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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