Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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